Are you afraid of failure? Turning into your parents? Ending up broke and alone? No? Me neither.
Happy New Year. May it always write itself.
I talk a lot about my peak year (5th grade) when one of the many things I excelled at was competitive gymnastics. But then my friend Latoya sent me this photo from the good ole days and things are not quite what I remember ...
Here's what I remembered vs what actually happened. That's me on the bottom right, last place, holding My participation ribbon and failing to "finish" like a good sport. #peakyear
Funny Moms is back! Every Wednesday I am hosting a comedy show in hip borough BERUKLYEN with my brotha from anotha motha Adam Friedland. Click the logo and join the fb group for updates on what big present and future comedy stars going to be performing each week!
Funny moms is not only a stand up show, but also a place for us to plaaaaay. Check out this Funny Moms Original called "Zis is Art: a retrospective of the work of performance artists Helmut & Oxana Fumf"
If you know me you know how busy I am. People always wonder -- How do you manage to be a comedian, a coach, smoke so much weed, and remain romantically attached to your boyfriend (ex?) whether he likes it or not .
If I didn't meditate, my "chatter brain" wouldn't ever shut the f*ck up and I would never move forward with my divine work in the world.
My friend Desi who is obviously from another realm of existence, records beautiful custom meditations and here is one I had her record for me, so that I can start every day with loving intention and focus on the things that really matter.
THANK YOU, CAROLINES!!!
Last night I headlined Caroline's on Broadway. This was my first set as a headliner in NY, as a headliner in a legit club, and the first time in NYC that I've been on a show where I didn't feel like I had to prove my worth, or impress anyone, or do anything but have fun. This show was all LOVE. Before I move on to the next milestone in my career, or listen back to my set and analyze my short comings, I want to take a moment and just marinate in the specialness of this evening:
I got to headline a comedy show in NYC. There was a poster of ME in times square at THE club I grew up idolizing, and I got to witness my mother (who I'm constantly protecting and afraid is so sad) experience pure JOY. As it turns out, Myra Armour loves nothing more than watching me attack her character publicly. What a gift.
Sincerely, thank you to everyone who came out, everyone who promoted the show, and my girlfriends for taking these cool snaps. Love you!
Peep me in the trailer for this upcoming season of NBC's Last Comic Standing!
I appear on screen being obviously very very funny at the 1:48 mark for literally one second.
I'm a star!
UPDATE: I didn't actually get any airtime on the show, but this millisecond I was on the commercial is still my mother's facebook profile picture. Namaste.
Oh hey you guys! Last week I was a guest on my buddy Jared Fried's BROLIFIC podcast for TotalFratMove.com -- it was videoed so you can see us as we guide the bros through major life decisions like how to talk to your girl about her pubes, how to get out of a mid-day cuddle, and most importantly where to go to COLLEGE. We are so vital. Enjoy!
I had to go to court last month to testify about an event that occurred in 2009 at a restaurant I worked at, that I have no recollection of. They just sent me the official court transcript and I found this little nugget from the stand where the Lawyer asks me to do some basic math and I crumble under the pressure. Behold, the official court transcript:
In a court of law!! And then the Lawyer is like ummmm, is she stoned?
Nah, didn't review the documents either... sorry BRUHHHHSSS #Court #DontDoMath #Idiot